Since writing Influencing Powerful People (IPP) 10 years ago, I have become somewhat of a “conversation coach.” I teach “difficult conversations in the boardroom” at the University of Toronto’s Directors Education program, I act as a sounding board and advisor for those getting ready for a difficult conversation with a powerful person, and I have these conversations myself (a good reminder of how hard this really is). Despite all my exposure to the topic, I have not found the “three sure-fire steps to win every argument.” But I have learned more about it: I have seen the difference between what others and I thought would happen and what did happen; I had the opportunity to debrief (sometimes in great detail) on what worked well, what was insufficient and what backfired; and I got to reflect on what should be a lesson for next time. Most of what I wrote in “IPP Rule 15” remains valid, but here are some insights that stand out after careful inspection, reflection, and application. Most of this takes the perspective of an executive “talking to the boss.” For a recent review of persuasion techniques from an external advisor perspective please have a look at Lothar Determann’s earlier contribution to our IPP 2.0 series.

“I don’t have time for this.” This cry of exasperation sums up the frustration when senior executives or board members find themselves drawn into conflict among their people. This includes conflict among peers, leaders vs their direct reports, or between regional or functional champions. “Don’t they realize they are on the same team?” And yet internal conflict has more potential to be toxic than squabbles with outsiders be they competitors, suppliers and even customers. Left unattended, internal conflict can become all consuming, paralyze the organization, and poison relationships. Once it spirals out of control, you will have to make time, whether you like it or not. Bad conflict prioritizes itself so to speak.